The Internet Ruined Their Marriage

Ever met someone who swears that the Internet ruined his or her marriage?  

Yup, that's right. That Eeeeevil Internet snatched away what had been a perfectly happy spouse, broke up a happy home, and caused no end of grief. Chat with enough people long enough, and you'll find one. If you're lucky you'll only find one. If you're smart you'll learn to recognize the symptoms after that and run like hell. Not being so smart, and being curious about how they thought a computer had ruined a marriage I've spoken with a few over the years.

I've also seen the supposedly happy spouse who left. They came online for a variety of reasons, but once they arrived they found they could play, or they could "talk" with  people who actually listened to what they said. They found people who would laugh at their jokes, and snark back at them in the same vein. They found interesting people who knew interesting things and were interested in them. So what was it that they found online? They found people who didn't take them for granted. 

Whether they were a news junkie, or a gamer, or someone researching genealogy or any of a thousand other hobbies that might have been the original reason for getting online, they found something they lacked. It might be that they had adjusted to that lack, and so outwardly looked contented with their lot, but they were missing something. 

(You get a pass if that husband or wife is one of the people you regularly talk with online because you're both hopeless geeks. I have to give you a pass, I used to send an IM to ask my late wife for a can of soda, and she'd send me an IM to remind me to take out the trash.)

Here's where the blame part comes in. Their husband or wife (though usually it seems to be a husband) didn't have a clue that their spouse was missing something, that there was discontent on one side of the equation. He (or sometimes she) thought everything was fine, and on the surface it might have been. Then that Internet thing came along and screwed up everything.

News Flash: YOUR life may have been perfect. The life of your husband or wife wasn't.

In almost 25 years of online life I have never seen a healthy marriage ruined by the Internet or online services. I have seen it, both online and in person, become the breaking point for a marriage that was already strained. But the problem was not the Internet. It wasn't the online service. It wasn't some heart breaker or home wrecker online. It was the marriage itself.

A relationship, online or off, is something you have to work at. If you're talking more to people online than to your husband or wife, take a look at your relationship. Fix it now. Because if it isn't the Internet, something else will surely come along.